Take Me to Valhalla, Baby

Posted in Film with tags , , , , , , , , on December 11, 2010 by cherisehuntingford

“…the second rare thing he possesses is… the belt of strength. When he girds it about him his divine might is doubled. The third, also very precious, is his iron gloves, which he puts on whenever he would use his mallet efficiently…” (Thomas Bulfinch, Age of Fable: Vols. I & II: Stories of Gods and Heroes)

With all that loin girding and dexterous tool-wielding, it’s hard not to succumb to a fantasy where Thor’s mighty pounding of his MÖjllnir means more than mythology intended…That is, of course, if you’ve seen Alex Skarsgård, better known as the utterly Thorgasm-worthy vampire-Viking sex-beast of True Blood. And make no mistake; fangs have little to do with it. Move over, Vampire Bill. The tide’s a’changing, and with it brings the oar-pumping progeny of golden Norse gods; longboats, loins and collective fan-lust galore.

But the delicious pillage doesn’t end with the conquests of Eric Northman, and not even the glorious realm of Hollywood is impervious to subjugation, with a slew of recent Viking epics as well as Kenneth Branagh’s Thor being released next May, and, most importantly, a flaxen Chris Hemsworth in the title-role.

Praise all that is good and Nordic.

But what is it about these gilded heroes that has rendered the formulaic “tall, dark and handsome” obsolete and left quasi-Draculas quivering in their coffins?

Perhaps it’s the paradox presented by that irrepressible carnality burning just beneath iceberg reticence, and the thrilling threat of being dragged into some wooded Pagan circle for a good hammering.

Maybe it’s the fact that blonde-tressed lads running amok in leather skirts remain unaffectedly confident in their sexuality.

Or it could be that unlike the morbidly reclusive night-creepers, you’ll rarely find the full-blooded daywalker without his horde. The group dynamic offers a myriad of delectable possibilities.

Whether it was the insipidities of Stephenie Meyer or Asgardian deities smiling down on us mere mortals that precipitated this mythic resurgence, the final result remains the same: a visual pantheon that will leave you feeling as though you’ve died and gone to celluloid Valhalla.

Until The Light Takes Us

Posted in Film, Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 7, 2010 by cherisehuntingford

Until The Light Takes Us: a documentary about arson, murder, and somewhere along the line, metal gets a mention.

Apart from the appropriately crude filmic  style, the only semblance of continuity running throughout Aaron Aites and Audrey Ewell’s  contrived drama is that it consistently has little, if anything, to do with black metal.

The narrative is monopolised by Varg Vikernes / “Count Grishnackh”’s diatribes on insurrection (yawn), blaming Christ and America for all the evils of the modern world, and then likening his martyr-like captivity in a Norwegian penitentiary  to a monastical seclusion.

After eloquently establishing his bigotry, Vikernes goes on to poke holes in the already questionable auditory aesthetic of the black metal genre, claiming that during Burzum recordings his aim was to make the music sound as awful as possible. Job done.

Clearly, for the Count, the medium is inconsequential, but perhaps a goose-stepping youth rally would have been more suited to his political thrusts and utopian dreams of mass-cleansing.

Until The Light Takes Us is not about black metal and its conceptus, but rather about a bunch of self-sequestered Norwegians whose boredom with an idyllic existence led them to stock pile weapons, burn some churches and murder each other. Their music was, at best, a by-product of this absurdity. The film does nothing to undo the damaging stereotypes that, for decades, have portrayed the associated genre as ridiculous and ideologically unfounded.

Gylve Nagell (Darkthrone) delivers the final irony in a petulant mission statement, the premise of which apparently being a deliberate effort to not step “…in the garish footsteps of what became black metal…”. In this, they have been admittedly successful; the self-proclaimed pioneers of the genre are either dead, incarcerated, or so hell-bent on defying popularity that their work continues to be hidden in obscure irrelevance.

The level of significance Vikernes assigns to the music itself is about as much significance as you should assign to this misrepresented film. If you’re looking for rants on nihilism, read Nietzsche. At least then you’ll be spared the agony of the band(s) members’ unjustified arrogance and the accompanying Mayhem sound bites.

Until The Light Takes US is now available for pre-order on DVD at http://www.blackmetalmovie.com, and is screening at the Belgian Cinematek in Brussels, 8th December, and the ICA in London from 15th – 31st December. DVD release date is also 15th December.

 


 

Corey’s Christmas Message

Posted in Music with tags , , , , , , , , on December 3, 2010 by cherisehuntingford

Oh dear, folks. It looks like not even Christmas is safe from the crass cynicism of Corey Taylor.

The Slipknot / Stone Sour frontman’s first solo single, entitled ‘X-m@$’ was recorded in Chiswick, West London, during a day-off amidst Stone Sour’s recent U.K. tour, and as Corey’s redneck-Scrooge persona launches into a full-scale assault on all things jolly, not even the sanctity of Jingle Bells is left intact. While the chorus “ If I ain’t drunk then it ain’t Christmas…” would be enough to make Santa himself weep in shame, the accompanying cacophony of smashing cymbals conjures awful dioramas of anarchist elves and renegade reindeer, taking turns in gleeful destruction of bells, baubles, and hostage candy-canes – with the Yule log as a battering-ram.

The imagery has an unmistakable anti-commercialism ring to it; the point punctuated with a fade-out cheeky nod to the muscle-vested mogul of mass-consumption, Simon Cowell, and his X-Factor minions.

Although the hick-wisdom implicit within the lyrics “we collectively as a people/ Should rise against this corporate jolly noise” makes some real sense, the contrary cheer and merry motherfuckerin’ of the anti-Christmas tirade succeeds in encouraging just the opposite, making me feel more festive than ever. Does that mean I’ve lost the plot? I doubt it. Corey explains to Kerrang!: “I wrote this song in my kitchen one winter, listening to people bitch about the holidays. Personally, I love the holidays, but they seem to bring on severe stress in most people.  So, I wrote this in honour of crotchety, drunken bastards who don’t know the difference between a yuletide and a toolshed.  Plus, I think it’s funny…”.

The message: Break out the eggnog, dust off those stockings and get the fuck over your grinchy selves. Merry fucking X-m@$!!!

Single to be released through Roadrunner Records, 12th December. All proceeds from the Christmas sales will go to the Teenage Cancer Trust – www.teenagecancertrust.org.

I Want to Kill You Like They Do in the Movies

Posted in Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 28, 2010 by cherisehuntingford

The song, in synopsis, is Marilyn Manson projecting his supposed self-loathing through sadomasochistic overtures, and lamenting the ­terrible tediousness of nympho-sycophant-groupies who will pander to his contrived fantasy. Snore. Hardly avant-garde for the oncewasa shock-rocker.

And yet, I find myself inwardly admitting that the song, in the face of such penis-centric predictability and ensuing geriatric kinkery, retains a stubborn catchiness.  What’s more, is that – beyond the sex-fuelled vibe – there could be some depth to the surface vapidity: Smug ambiguities, the psychoanalytic metaphor, yes – even Manson’s lecherous whispers, punctuating coital groans and the protracted title itself – ‘I Want To Kill You Like They Do In The Movies’ - might just extend this cliché-of-a-torture-porn-scenario towards the possibility of significance for the discerning listener.

I Want to Kill You like They Do in the Movies

I wanna fuck you like a foreign film
And there’s no subtitles to get you through this
And I’m a country you don’t ever ever ever ever ever
Want to visit again

Line up,
Roll camera,
You pretend
I’ll pretend
And cut, cut, cut
Cut, cut, cut
Line up,
Roll camera,
You pretend
I’ll pretend
And cut, cut, cut

I want to kill you like they do in the movies
But don’t worry there’s another one just like you in line

I want to kill you like they do in the movies
But don’t worry there’s another one just like you in line

Line up,
Roll camera,
You pretend
I’ll pretend
And cut, cut, cut
Line up,
Roll camera,
You pretend
I’ll pretend
And cut, cut, cut, cut

I’m a strip, strip, strip, and
I flicker, flick, flick, flick
A flicker of celluloid
And there’s holes, holes, holes
In my everything
I’m a strip, strip, strip, and
I flicker, flick, flick, flick
A flicker of celluloid
And there’s holes, holes, holes
In my everything

You’re just what I projected
Just what I projected
It’s just what I projected
Just want to project it

Come in, come in, come in,
Come in, come in, come in, come inside

There’s so much, much, much more skin to break
I haven’t even taken off my gloves,
There’s so much, much, much more skin to break
I haven’t even taken off my gloves

I feel a little sorry baby,
I feel a little sorry baby,
I hear the afterlife is poorly scored
I feel a little sorry baby,
I feel a little sorry baby,

I hear the afterlife is poorly scored

You’re lucky you don’t have to wake up
Sick, sick, sick, sick
I’m sick of immortality,
I’m sick of immortality
I’m sick of immortality

I was only acting, baby
Only acting, baby
You were only acting, baby
Overacting, baby

Don’t confuse it with love
Don’t confuse it with love
Don’t confuse it with love
Don’t confuse it with love
Every time I kill you I’m really just killing myself
Every time I kill you I’m really just killing myself
Every time I kill you I’m really just killing myself

Don’t flatter yourself, don’t flatter yourself

This is business not pleasure, baby
This is business not pleasure, baby
This business of pleasure, baby
Business not pleasure, baby
This is business
This is business

I want to kill you like they do in the movies
But don’t worry there’s another one just like you, standing in line
I want to kill you like they do in the movies
But don’t worry there’s another one just like you, standing in line

Because my own movie tastes are far from virtuous (not the porno variety, just regular gore-fest, blood-splattering unholiness), it was the slasher-flick title that did it for me – that, and the fact that for all the knife-happy banality, I was teased by the brazen impropriety of the content, delivered in the conspicuous absence of apology or explanation. Much like my love of celluloid horror, there has always been a forbidden allure attached to the music I can’t help but thoroughly enjoy; to morally rationalise my pleasure with the nature of the content is (strictly speaking) an impossibility:  it is dark, it is destructive – it is deviance – to a tune, and Marilyn Manson’s twisted film-scene is no exception. The paradoxical pairing of eroticism and murder within the lyrics is socially unacceptable, a suggestion of the most heinous quality. Nevertheless, within the context of a song, within the context of an artform, the oddly titillating taboo is un-punishable.

For all the obscenities Manson has sung forth into the impressionable world, his puritanical adversaries remain powerless to prevent the Pied Piper of apostasy.

Why?

Because a song about getting your jollies from questionably simulated snuff films is just that – a song, a cerebral fancy, which, unless and until it is committed to reality, remains an intangible non-reality. Simply put: one’s actions within an imagined event hold no real culpability.  Thus art, and the chimeras that inspire, are not obligated to the social conventions of the real-world, and an idea, no matter how deviant, no matter how depraved, escapes the bounded scope of moral judgement under art’s pretext. Expanding upon the Freudian concept of projection Manson hints at: creativity provides the vessel into which our impure, repressed desires could be purged, and sublimated. It’s probably a good thing, then, that the guy who admitted that he has fantasised about braining Evan Rachel Wood into oblivion with a sledgehammer has a decidedly less messy mode of expression for his malevolent urges.

Splendiferous news as this may be for the unhinged (and Miss Wood, evidently), what relevance does all the profundity of the profane hold for Manson’s audience?

In short, creative channelling may keep the homicidal Antichrist-wannabe from jail-time, but it nevertheless allows those who dare look (or listen, rather) a disturbing insight into the psyche behind the music. Art is inherently human in its construction, even though the product of its expression might be abstract or surreal. Thus art does not exist as an entity unto itself, and the underlying moralism of its human motivation, whilst beyond penalty, is difficult to ignore.  Still, the perverseness is not forced upon us, and it is our choice to expose ourselves to it. The human factor and questions of morality are not limited to the artist; I willingly indulge in the lyrical decadence of the song.

But vicariously, of course. I only pretend. I am the voyeuristic listener.

Just as the fourth wall of film separates the spectator’s reality from the character’s reality, an implicit boundary exists between the musical narrative and the auditory experience. I can safely disassociate; and – all but in theory – thoroughly participate.

But is a disassociation between the voluntary recipient and the artist a truthful probability? In answer to this question, Tolstoy (What is Art?, 1896) proclaims that “[Art] is a means of union among men, joining them together in the same feeling . . . and that others are infected by those feelings and also experience them . . . A real work of art destroys in the consciousness of the recipient the separation between himself and the artist. . .. In this freeing of our personality from its separation and isolation, in this uniting of it with others, lies the chief characteristic and the great attractive force of art.” That which draws us towards an artistic conception extends beyond the subjective construction of beauty and value; or perhaps is the necessary predecessor to that subjective construction: the images, the characters, the scenarios, the words – they speak to us, in a language that we intrinsically comprehend – because there is the element of identification. Contrary to pop-philosophy, human beings are not drawn to the unknown; but to the homogeny concealed within the dissonance. But, it is often less telling to couch the truth in poetic pseudonyms and maintain it is art for its own sake and nothing more, particularly when the subject matter could reveal a similarity to ourselves of which we would prefer to remain uneducated.

There is nothing dissonant between darkness and the human condition.

The debauched movie script could very well be our internal, private, conversations, and we all play a cameo role in that which excites us, but little acting is required. There may be no fourth wall between the listener and the artist, and no substantial difference between the self and the subject, but the difference borne of aspiring imaginations.

So does this revelation mean I share Manson’s sentiment for sledgehammers?

Of course not.

They’re far too messy.

Rob Zombie – Hellbilly Deluxe 2: Noble Jackals, Penny Dreadfuls and the Systematic Dehumanization of Cool (Special Edition)

Posted in Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2010 by cherisehuntingford

It’s not another Halloween remake, but Hellbilly Deluxe 2 plays just like a wicked horror flick: sex, cine-freaks, and a whole lotta sin…

The ringmaster of schlock-rock has brought his spookshow back to town, and the satanic vaudeville boasts two new acts for its iniquitous audience: a malevolent musicality unmatched by its predecessors and an infectious groove that just might turn the most hardened of Zombie-slayers.

The title of the foreboding album opener, Jesus Frankenstein, carries a cautionary warning: this dark carnival is one unholy creation; a decidedly Black Sabbath effigy and accursed choir summon the Zombie from the infernal pit, to wreak melodious havoc and thrilling destruction, from beginning to album end.  And make no mistake; the walking dead-man has a helluva party doing it: The third track What? begs the very question – WTF?!, all the while compelling you to keep bopping to the contagious chorus that conjures flashbacks of the B-52s – only this time they’re possessed by the devil himself. Cease to Exist only escalates the rabid madness, a trippy homage to the obligatory movie dream sequence – and just as demented and unfathomable.

Mars Needs Women is thick with lusty menace, salaciousness spreading flawlessly into Werewolf Baby!, where Dracula meets honky-tonk hellbilly; and when the beast entices “I am a monster/Can I come over?” the Lucy Westenra  (or Jonathan Harker) in you will extend the invitation – gladly.

The over-reaching grandiosity of The Man Who Laughs, with its pretentious orchestral score threatens to break the Zombie’s spell, but atonement is achieved through the glorious sacrifice of the Virgin Witch, a pulverising guitar stirring up familiar… sinister urges, rising to an orgasmic explosion of electric solo.

Bluesy-plunking and the signature twang that largely defines Hellbilly Deluxe 2 might deceptively lure one into assuming it can be safely restrained until the next Halloween hoedown, but by then, Zombie’s semi-processed but utterly possessing vocals, Jordison’s (Slipknot, Murderdolls) bone-shaking drumming and John 5’s (ex-Marilyn Manson) raunchy riffs that power-saw through the listener have already made escape – and exorcism – impossible. 7/10

New Cradle – Child’s Play?

Posted in Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 30, 2010 by cherisehuntingford

 

Is it just me or has there developed as of late an uncanny resemblance between Dani Filth and demon-dolly Chucky? And no, I refer not to Filth’s incomprehensible choice of coiffure and ever-expanding jowls, reminiscent of something between a dumpy Edward Scissorhands and that doll that was so unforgivably ugly it became the target of your aggressive hairdressing and facial reconstruction. Don’t feign ignorance.  I know you had one.

Alas, Dani and Chucky have more in common than unfortunate fashion sense and abnormally fleshy craniums; the word that comes to mind is cheese. Lots of it. You see, Chucky was scary. And then I turned ten. In much the same way, Cradle of Filth was frightening. It was also forbidding, intimidating and provocative. It was black metal.

And then someone ordered extra cheese.

I say extra because anyone who has been privy to a Cradle performance, movie, interview, video or any COF marketing gimmick will know that ridiculous burlesque is indeed a large part of their schtick; but the complex musicality, poetically lyrical genius and possessing, dramatic energy conjured by the frontman and band were too convincing to not be taken seriously. For all the tongue-in-cheek overtones, professing Filth fandom was hardcore business. Not everybody has the mettle to ardently withstand (and take pleasure in) the music’s heavily gothic and reprehensible, deviant subject matter – and Dani’s vocals. Perhaps that is where it all went awry. The Cradle of old was largely inaccessible – that and the fact that perhaps many a devotee of the Church of Filth suffers an involuntary vow of celibacy. Prospective dates may find such song titles as Bestial Lust, The Rape and Ruin of Angels and Shat out of Hell a tad off-putting.

Enter the blasphemy of temperance, hot little replacement keyboardist Alison Ellyllon and….glitter. Yes. Glitter.

I can just envision the new line of COF Bratz dolls. (Ages 6 and up.)


In addition, the decision to release the rather innocuous singles from Nymphetamine (Nymphetamine), Thornography (Temptation) and Darkly, Darkly, Venus Aversa (Forgive Me Father) that feature female vocalists who are every bit as aesthetically pleasing as their voices smacks of image revamp. No complaint here. But please don’t compromise substance with superfluity. COF never gained a zealous following based on their looks. Ever.

One wonders if the pre-album release appetizer Lilith Immaculate was offered almost as an apologetic consolation to fans who remain the faithful few. It’s anything but accessible. It’s bona fide COF brilliance. But as far as classic Cradle goes, this track may stand solo on the album line-up. Forgive Me Father inspires little faith to the contrary.

Whatever the reason, Cradle of Filth has sadly morphed into a laughable caricature of its old self. The theatricality is no longer a comic relief from the intensity of COF’s carnal creations; it is the sole content of the production. This is not a purist argument. I can appreciate the necessity for bands to experiment and develop; stagnation is never a good thing. But it’s difficult not to suspect a sell-out when said “development” comes in the pretty package of female eye-candy and……glitter.

In all sincerity, I truly hope that the release of Darkly, Darkly, Venus Aversa proves me wrong, and restores Dani and his bandmates to their former Filthy glory.

Cinematic Horror: the awful allure

Posted in Film with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 20, 2010 by cherisehuntingford


When Leatherface pull-started his powertool to life for twenty-first century audiences, an unbelievable sixth time since his 1974 screen debut, the reception was anything but unanimous.   Offering an encore of the gruesomely literal interpretation of bringing home the bacon, and once more uncovering the collectively suppressed nightmare of that lonesome Mr. Ed Gein and his penchant for feminine haute couture (skin stockings, nipple belts and mammary aprons galore), Leatherface re-entered our consciousness as the epitome of repugnance and the folklorish poster child for what happens when your uncle is ya’ daddy. But I joined not the masses that recoiled in unisoned disgust at the whole gratuitousness of the blood spilling, spurting, geysering, spraying and dinner-time ingestion; nor did I acquiesce with the majority who found the idea of remaking a story about cannibalistic hillbillies ridiculously redundant and conceptually primitive. Conversely, what the supernaturally dexterous creature of Texas Chainsaw Massacre – with the finesse of a pachyderm and the cerebral aptitude akin to Spackle-It, his sanguine pursuits, flesh fetishism and trademark extracurricular evisceration – invoked within, was a deep reverence for the uncanny ability of this genre’s archetypes to unashamedly defy the forces of popcultural demand and continue to exist onscreen as believable, discomfiting and truly horrific as the day they were conceived in the artists’ imaginations. Everyone was horrified by Leatherface and his antics – fan or not, and that response, at least, was unanimous indeed.

When Quentin Tarantino and Eli Roth introduced the world to the rather novel idea of torture porn, splatter porn, or gornography in 2005, a diligent reflection of the film did not unleash some latent feminist outrage at the objectification of the bound, gagged, and submissive sex; it also similarly failed to inspire pontifications on the terribly tragic demise of censorship. Instead, the much maligned Hostel confronted my cognizance with the power of this artform to inspire brazen allegorical connections within the observer – the allusions and parallels emphasising the deep interconnectedness and inescapable intertextuality of art and existence – unintentional or not, unsettling or otherwise. And once more, all who dared look did so in shock; but for most, the reaction remained purely visceral.

Indestructible monsters and graphic figurativism were never intended as pleasantries. They define a category that means to horrify. Should the above prove successful in doing just that, quite simply, you got exactly what you paid for.

Cinematic horror is observably dichotomous in nature, yet entirely enigmatic in its allure: it works according to a tacit formula, yet avoids dogmatism through boundary-pushing bravado; it speaks to our most primordial of responses, yet imparts veritable insights into the psyche and its frightening potential. It is definitively indefinable, the dark figure whose malevolence excites as much as it terrifies.

Not everyone gets the appeal of voluntary self-scaring, and even less so, the complex story-telling beneath the gore or the unconventional beauty of the macabre. It’s a matter of personal taste, individual constitutions and, in a tragic many instances, a simple case of shallow comprehension.

The reasons for aversion to horror and its devices are obvious.

But the enjoyment of horror is a highly subjective affair and authoritative explanations elude the seeker – or at least they should elude the seeker. Strangely, however, most rationalizations of the phenomenon seem to have demystified it rather economically, leaving us with two apparently simple reasons as to why the horror industry continues to inspire sadomasochistic patronage:

Catharsis

ca·thar·sis   (kə-thär’sĭs)

n.pl.-ses (-sēz).

  1. Medicine. Purgation, especially for the digestive system.
  2. A purifying or figurative cleansing of the emotions, especially pity and fear, described by Aristotle as an effect of tragic drama on its audience.
  3. A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.
  4. Psychology. A technique used to relieve tension and anxiety by bringing repressed feelings and fears to consciousness; the therapeutic result of this process; abreaction.

The perpetually plugged notion of analgesic horror-watching achieves but two things:

a)      Exhibits the frightful arrogance and ignorance of those who believe that the psychology of man is simple and shared, and easily interpreted; behaviour is a straightforward case of need-fulfilment, and the need is collective, a product of the very similar (if not identical) inner-make-up of all persons.

b)      Extends no justice to the horror enthusiast, the genre’s cognoscente depicted as a group of individuals who have mistakenly perceived depth and artistic value in something merely purgative – mordantly remedial, at best.

Catharsis – in all its guises – has stained many attempts at understanding why one would willingly engage in something so unpleasant. What the catharsian logicians fail to remember is that Aristotle’s theory has been disproven. But curiously, it continues to be clung upon by many as a means of justification for participation in unconventional pastimes, or in an attempt to dramatise a lacklustre existence.

While the idea of cathartic-art sounds appealing in theory, in practice it really is just a tourniquet for the insecurities and inadequacies of its proponents.

Horror films operate primarily through the implied / explicit portrayal of death, and psychological and / or physical suffering, the two mechanisms inducing a fear-response – not relief (!) – within the viewer. One may argue that the viewer may experience relief upon the conclusion of the film, whereby the protagonist defeats the pesky forces of evil and overcomes his / her previously insurmountable Achillean weaknesses. The viewer might then attain a sense of ‘mastery through modelling’, adapting the hero’s mindset and success to fit and fix his own problematic reality. This postulation is flawed for a smorgasbord of reasons; I’ll point out the obvious: Firstly, people just don’t do this. No one goes home after an evening at the cinema and feels better about his shitty life because Jamie-Lee Curtis gave him the tools for lifestyle success. Perhaps subconsciously, one might muse? Not likely. Research has uncovered a fear-response within viewers long after the conclusion of the film (Walters, 2004), victorious heroine or not. Admittedly, this lingering reaction may be rooted in the unspoken anticipation of the customary sequel or three; scriptwriters no longer seem to be bothered with felicitous endings these days, and agreeably so: killing off the Final Girl in the last few celluloid moments is decidedly more horrifying than anything else.

All things considered, the nature of the films and their paying customers pretty much precludes the possibility of the experience becoming a healing therapy session. (And it may be superfluous to mention that catharsis works upon the idea of a relatable scenario; if horror fans find themselves relating to scenes of torture, murder, mutilation and the odd case of necrophilia, the world has a lot bigger problems than understanding why they enjoyed Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Part:7)

There might, however, be an unconscious need that the content of the genre could fulfill,  but in no way does it provide the cathartic version of emotional anaesthesia. Quite the opposite, actually.

Horror, as previously mentioned, works around the core themes of death and suffering. Such mechanisms are not peculiar to cinematic imaginings, or any imaginings, for that matter. For everyone, death and suffering are the grim structures around which we build our reality; whether we choose to fixate upon them, suppress them, or accept them. But there remains a cardinal difference between the expression of death and pain on-screen, and the lived experience. Loss and suffering in reality are indeed far more painful; they are tangible, inescapable, and they are personal. But that in itself is not the severing difference. Reality’s traumas must be forgotten or at least repressed to some degree for the sake of functionality and sanity. This somewhat callous necessity can create a sense of guilt within the bereaved, as well as an unspoken feeling of betrayal and resentment for those who remembered the loss for as long as was considered suitably sympathetic, and then went on to continue with their own lives. Such is the tyranny of time. For the sufferer, the pain is relived each passing day, but for everyone else, the memory erodes. A failure to acknowledge another’s trauma is to negate its occurrence. Reality is a shared construct, and when pain incurred through personal experience goes unnoticed and unmentioned, it threatens meaninglessness. We move on. We have to. In reality, pragmatism is the aggressor. The significance of loss, the unfortunate victim.

For this very reason, unintentionally or not, the horror genre in its entirety – from film to literature, theatre to poetry – has created a dimension in which the ideas of death and suffering may be romanticised, and in doing so, eternalises them. Art is the personal imitation of immortality. The pictures of pain are not subject to transience,but remain immovable memorials to the acuteness of human experience, and the tragedy of the human condition. The symbolic representation of the suppressed realms of the psyche is preserved through abstraction, untouchable by euphemism, pragmatism and the need for relief. In this dimension, death and suffering are justly acknowledged. They are meaningful. And in the confines of spectatorship, no one may ignore their disturbing power.

Escapism

es·cap·ism   (ĭ-skā’pĭz’əm)

n.

- defined as the inclination to retreat from unpleasant realities through  fantasy

The flawed premise of horror-watching escapism is inherent in its definition:

Firstly (at the risk of insult to intelligence), horror cannot logically be mistaken as fantasy. The two words – and genres – are in no way the same, or even similar, either on an intrinsic or explicit level – pathology aside, of course.

Secondly, the word escape is heavily laden with connotations of freedom – and, in this case, redundant relief. One does not escape from something unpleasant to something for which the description “unpleasant” would be euphemistic and misguidedly optimistic. If your banal reality was the labyrinth, an unending maze of dead-ends and the perfunctory scraped knees, horror and its power to terrify and control would be the Minotaur. That’s not an escape. That’s running in the wrong direction. And yet, the Minotaur, for all its menacing teeth-baring and promises of pain, remains curiously seductive.

Cinematic horror, like the Minotaur, exhibits two significant characteristics: 1) it is a multi-dimensional concept, a series of motifs which signify subliminal intricacies and, 2) it is rooted in (or at least embellished by) fiction or myth. These commonalities do more than add credibility to my chosen metaphor, they point to the presence of two possible tools of seduction, both humanly irresistible.

From horror film, you can take what you will. Compositely elemental, it is both instinctual and cognitive; its effects both corporeal and metaphysical. The multi-dimensionality of horror allows it to speak to the individual, and not assume a collective simplistic audience mind-set through flat characters and symbol-less plots. It celebrates animalism, whilst impartially praising the intellect. Horror is the on-screen amalgamation of the human dichotomy. And unlike other genres, it is non-idealistic of man and his motives.

This non-idealism is important. Stephen King (1981) states that horror films often serve as a “barometer of those things which trouble the night thoughts of a whole society”. And so enters the second convergent path between cinematic horror and the Grecian beast. Once something has been mythologized or fictionalised, it has permitted the use of imagination. Imagination is not copyrighted material. It is a free-to-use, on-hand resource. Nor is imagination a public demonstration. It possesses the freedom to run rampant, but anonymously so. Indeed, film-makers encounter the occasional copyrighted claim to an imagining. And quite obviously, film-makers do engage in the public demonstration of their inner dreams (or nightmares). But the viewer is not subject to such constraints – or confessions.

The catalyst for frights of fancy is composed of more than evocative storylines; the flyblown effect in many contemporary films, the greater potential allowed by HD for flexibility, along with progressive editing techniques, has successfully broken down the fourth wall of film, blurring the viewpoints – both actual and moral. The decision is yours – the role of victim or aggressor can be assumed within the privacy of your own subjective experience. Further, the psychological distance a soundtrack offers – a “buffer” to repugnance – is becoming less necessary in an industry where the skill required by auteurs to elicit bona fide terror is based on more realistic renditions, much like a home video of the most horrific things you can imagine. In this case, musical scores don’t quite fit in. And consequently, there is little reminder that this is an exercise in film, not voyeurism. (And what greater voyeuristic thrill than the convergence of antagonist and audience?) One may secretly engage in boundary testing and breaking by proxy through the film’s characters, without fear of retribution.

He is us and we are him.

Perhaps my initial disdain for escapist explanations was premature.

The philic displeasure demonstrated by horror audiences may point to the synonymy of horror and fantasy. There is quite obviously an illicit delectation involved in watching the films. Perhaps even an eroticism (it is important to remember that sex and death have been intertwined and juxtaposed for centuries, going far beyond clichéd assumptions of S&M; a telling example being the French metaphor for orgasm – la petite mort – literally translated into “the little death”). Does all this point to psychological pathology on a mass scale, then? Surely not(?). But if the Jungian idea of the collective consciousness is to be believed, the imaginings of film-makers represent the zeitgeist. Anthropologist, Joseph Campbell (1988) once remarked that the monster concept in fiction can be traced to a “feared adventure of the discovery of the self”.  Such a journey holds the potential for confrontation with feared selves but may also permit exploration of desired selves. And desire, as the above confirms, may easily be anything but chaste. The horror genre is rich in sordid social commentary.

A second classical analogy comes to mind. If one is to recall the realistic bases of which have inspired countless works of horror (remember Mr. Gein, for example), it might be theorised that a significant portion of society is finding entertainment in the very real demise of very real victims. The idea that perhaps we have not moved on as far from Roman arenas and bloodsport for amusement as we might have idealised is a little more than disappointing. It should be frightening.

The accepted definitions of horror revolve around central elements of the supernatural and abnormal. The antagonist may be shrouded in normalcy for the sake of suspense, but is ultimately unveiled as the deranged serial killer or demon-beast (whether this process takes enumerable sequels to unfold or not, the formula is inescapably inherent in the genre). The truly unnerving thing is that there is no such thing as abnormal, only varying degrees of the very human condition.

What plays out on screen was seeded in human minds. And every time we willingly expose ourselves to the grisly pantomimes, we imperceptibly nod in approval and acceptance.

The divide between the patron of this dark art and its creations is nothing more than a psychological wish.

The metaphor is clarified and complete; the Minotaur is not the artform, but the artist. It is not the terrible tale, but the terrible truths that spawned dramatic  inspiration. The Minotaur is the self, lurking within the maze of deluded identities and external scapegoats.

At this point one might hope that at least some sliver of sanctity divides the mere observer of horror flicks from the hard-core devotee (the unsettling idea of homages to death and deranged fantasias is hardly complimentary).

But there remains little to separate the two individuals.

Except that while both willingly whiteknuckle it through the gore,  perhaps one is more comfortable in admitting he or she enjoyed it. And in this admittance, a freedom to delve into the complexity and unorthodox beauty of the genre is achieved; ironically the ultimate escapism – and relief – then, from the mundane dishonesty of humanity and the fear of self-confrontation.

One might scoff at the assumed complexity of an entertainment form intended to provide cheap thrills and nothing more.

“The horror fan… is… not only able but positively compelled to ‘read’ rather than merely ‘watch’ such movies. The novice, however, sees only the dismembered bodies, hears only the screams and groans, reacts only with revulsion or contempt. Being unable to differentiate between the real and the surreal, they consistently misinterpret horror fans’ interaction with the texts that mean nothing to them” (Kermode, 1997).

It is obviously crucial that the essence of cinematic horror is not lost through elitist snobbery and over-intellectualisation of something inherently instinctual.

But therein lies the magnificence of a genre whose allure remains enigmatic: one may never ascertain, with absolute authority, the intention behind horror’s creation or the motivation for its embrace.  This may be in part due to uncomfortable truths about ourselves, tacitly revealed in our in enjoyment, but consciously “unnoticed”, or quite simply due to the amorphous nature of a genre that can never be articulated, its effects extending beyond the confines of human language – and awareness.

A brilliant horror film, whether you choose to intellectualise it or shun it, will scare you.  However, it is not the film itself, but your voluntary participation within the film – self-confessed fanatic or not – that is the most terrifying thing of all. Catharsis and escapism theories are not befitting of attempts to explain the awful allure of cinematic horror itself; but would do well in understanding its revelations. When faced with the monster personified in your uncoerced involvement, who would not seek relief and escape from the horror revealed within?

References:

Kermode, M. (1997) “I Was a Teenage Horror Fan: or, ‘How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Linda Blair’.” In Ill Effects: The Media/Violence Debate. Eds. Barker, M. & Petley, J. London and New York: Routledge.

King, S. (1981). Danse macabre. New York: Berkley.

Walters, G. D. (2004). Understanding the Popular Appeal of Horror Cinema: An Integrated-Interactive Model. Journal of Media Psychology. 9 (2).

 

Remember the 90s

Posted in Uncategorized on September 15, 2010 by cherisehuntingford


Last night, whilst flipping between channels, I happened upon some classic Jerry Springer, and a particularly gripping episode entitled “Lesbians Attack”. I found myself instantaneously thrust into a nostalgic reverie for a moment in time often left unconsidered for retro-themed shindigs and cd box sets. Amidst the on-screen windmilling of unrestrained mammaries and a frenzy of buzz-cut ‘n butched-up adaptations of femininity, I mused over whether anyone remembered that grey area that happened somewhere between Whitesnake making big hair cool, and Michael Bolton making it gay.

For most, the memories conjured by the elusive decade are usually limited to androgynous flannel-plaid shirts and repressed recollections of the Macarena; and so, as a Generation X-er I took it upon myself to pay a belated homage to the epoch in history which had shaped my adolescence. Quite unfortunately, I discovered ten forgotten reasons why – as with my own blurred recollection of pubescence – the 90s were a time best left in the subdued recesses of my (and everyone else’s) subconscious:

  1. Rollerblades – Anyone who had a hope in hell to be cool had a pair of these bad boys. Rollerballs had a brief attempt at usurping the position, but failed to achieve the status of the blade. I had neither as I had Scrooge Macsuck (insertion of alternate consonant discretionary) for a dad. So I attempted to convince everyone around (including myself) that I had weak ankles, and that the wearing of rollerblades could be potentially ruinous for my health. Unfortunately, the only thing that proved ruinous for me was attempting to appear super-cool by feigning physical deformity.
  2. NirvanaIf someone does perchance happen to remember the 90s, it’s usually coupled with the memory of this band and a pre-post-humous Kurt Cobain. Sadly, not even death could bring an end to this music and its airplay.
  3. My So-called Life – Jared Leto was hot and Claire Danes was ugly. A memorable time in television history before Leto joined that girlband, 30 Seconds to Uranus, something or other. Pitifully, the only element of this point that has transcended the 90s unchanged is Claire Danes’s face.
  4. Moonbags – The synonym for this nifty accessory was fannypack. Enough said.
  5. Girl Power – a phrase coined by that really talented group propagating feminism whilst dressed like hookers. Little girls the world over emulated the idea and old men everywhere jangled their pocket change in celebratory unison.
  6. The Simpsons, Beavis & Butthead and Southpark – art finally began to imitate the degenerative state of family life, and what a masterpiece it was.
  7. Cigar Smoking and Divine BrownBill Clinton became the first man in history to engage in extramarital relations and Hugh Grant became the first man in history to receive extrarelational fellatio. The world gave a collective gasp at this behaviour utterly contrary to the male disposition and never quite recovered from the, er, blow.
  8. Tamagotchis – I never bought one of these, but a kid in my class did, and gave it to me in the hopes of making me his woman. Twelve year-old prude that I was, I never gave him my vestal innocence, nor did I return the Tamagotchi. Instead, I let it starve to death in my drawer in a malicious act of feminist defiance.  Girl power.
  9. Columbine Shooting MassacreMarilyn Manson began his sideproject as co-parent to America’s youth, and was understandably blamed when some of his kids bumped off a couple of classmates and then themselves.
  10. Jerry Springer - With the inception of the 90s came disillusionment with poor role models, crappy music and fannypacks. Humanity called for deliverance from the quagmire of despair. The world needed someone to step up and restore faith in the moral fibre intrinsic to the human condition. And so entered Mr. Springer, who single-handedly provided us with an abundance of snaggle-toothed and beer-stained role models and reminded us of the superfluity of underwear. Amen, y’all.

Please note that this is a mere shortlist – a sampling – if you will, of the sheer awesomeness that was the 90s. In the name of expediency I have included only my own most prominent (and favourite) memories.

Truth be told, while the 90s may have been marked by a rather obvious degree of sucking (the punning is over, you profligate) it was also a time in history that was yet unchanged by the characteristic jadedness of the present decennium. Allow me to elucidate by way of a few contemporary examples:

  • Nirvana achieved notoriety in pop culture because the band dared to perform unshaven and (in all likelihood) unwashed. Their appearance was obviously – but in all probability not deliberately – a reflection of their unpolished and uncensored music. Today, a band’s rite of passage into infamy could include on-stage defecation and (dubiously) simulated sodomy, and still the only elicited response may be a perfunctory eyebrow-raise. (It goes without saying that the abovementioned orifice-inspired antics might also be theorised into a reflection of the substance and calibre of the accompanying music itself).
  • The culminating point of My So-called Life was an impassioned kiss between Leto and Danes. I remember racing to the rotary-dial telephone during an ad-break to share excited squeals with my best friend as we replayed and reminisced over this magical moment. Today, Gossip Girl’s high school debutante Blaire ponders over whether her cocaine-addled orgy the night previous made her pregnant or just a whore, and I wearily switch channels out of boredom with the triteness of the plot. Triteness??
  • Bill Clinton was supposedly impeached because he lied to the American public about his fidelity. A more likely explanation was that he was fired because the nation found it a bitter pill to, er, swallow (you may now resume assumption of the pun) that a man who stood as representative of the American people dipped his weathered wick outside of the marriage bed, and Hillary wasn’t designated cameraman. A large segment of the American demographic – women – were shocked and angered by the mistreatment of poor old Hillary. They rallied in support of her. Their husbands did too, in fear that if they didn’t, their own old ladies might suspect that extra-curricular wick-dipping wasn’t just a presidential sport.   In short, Billy had to bid farewell. He had lost the support of American women, and by default, their snivelling spouses too. You, see, Girl Power wasn’t passé yet.
  • Clinton was a public figure, who, under constant spotlight, should’ve known better. Or at least – burned that dress, and, taking a page out of his predecessor Kennedy’s book – off’d the bitch.  Today, Tiger Woods and his double-figure affairs become expositional tabloid tidings and he claims first position in Sports Illustrated Fortunate 50’s top-earning athletes. Why? Because what would have been a career-breaker twenty years ago holds little moral weight with the public of today. Sure, it may be considered forward-thinking that a man’s personal life is just that and should be viewed as an entity separate from that of his public facade, and yes, Gaterade and Tag Heuer did pull out of their Woods endorsement deals. Good for them. Nike didn’t. But then again, Nike’s slogan is more befitting of Woods’s newfound mantra – Just Do…Them?
  • Following the escapades of those nasty little Columbine kids, Marilyn Manson became the new American bogeyman. This bogeyman was a tricksy one; you had to watch your back lest you accidentally bought one of his albums or – God forbid – accidentally attended one of his concerts. Accidents such as these could potentially lead to unintentional participation in rape, paedophilia, parricide, drug abuse, random acts of bloody violence and serial killing. The upside of this – yes, the upside – was that Manson was one man, and thus one bogeyman against which the world had to defend. In the wake of the millennial 9/11 tragedy, the bogeyman has now metastasised by epic proportions. The monster lurking beneath your bed or in the cockpit is whatever leans fractionally against the grain (the “grain” in this case is whatever rigid stereotype your place of residence has predetermined; and be sure that the unstable nature of  the grain will be subject to political climate, shifting international relations and prospective economic gain; to be fair, this probably isn’t a new way of controlling the masses through manufactured fear of a minority, but it is unquestionably en vogue again).
  • Throughout the 90s, past the turn of the century, and into the present day, The Simpsons and Southpark have continued to provide a running commentary on the state of things using the vehicle of satire. Either in a pitiful display of uneducated imbecility, or a refusal to admit to the very real obscenity of the times, many have slated the abovementioned comedic efforts as simply crass humour, which have now apparently reached a vulgarity of epic proportions. These critics appear to have forgotten entirely – and rather conveniently – just how satire works. Satire is reflective in nature; if Southpark has indeed pinnacled the height of crudity, you can be sure that real life reached that summit first.  Our current reality really is that entertainingly ridiculous.

Again, this list of contemporary illustrations is a mere sampling of the atrociousness that is our existing moment.

Perhaps my initial stance begs to be shifted. Following such a retrospective endeavour, I see that – rather unwittingly – I have in fact paid homage to the 90s, and I yearn to fit myself into that drawer alongside the long-departed Tamagotchi, and refuse to submit my residual vestal innocence to a world that fancies itself evolved.

I am forced to admit that maybe we should remember the 90s, lest we forget just what it means that we can never go back.

Long Live the Queen

Posted in Uncategorized on September 6, 2010 by cherisehuntingford

“Put an Englishman into the Garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted    concern” -Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)

If there’s one thing the Brits have mastered – more skilfully than bad teeth, imperial interbreeding or the emotional range of a finger biscuit – it’s that uncanny knack for the gripe. And in the sport of perpetual dissatisfaction, the stiff-lipped title holders have remained decidedly unchallenged and categorically unbeaten. So adept and well-practised at athletic nitpicking, the demonstration of unshakable English discontent can be executed upon any terrain, in any clime, quite spectacularly.

Yes, breaking news, dear reader. The English really are a bunch of consummate whingers.

Now, before you respond­ by getting those Union Jack knickers into a hastily offended twist, I will admit that I, too, have indulged in the occasional spreading of doom and pessimism. In fact, to get specific,  there was indeed a great deal of whinging to be had on my own part before I assumed expatriate status and bid farewell to the place made famous by apartheid and that folk tale entitled Democracy. I am no stranger to the periodic bellyache. Some may perceive a smidgen of irony in the fact that a self-confessed (albeit sporadic) bellyacher would choose to articulate annoyance with the habitual English quetching. The astute reader might even ascertain an irony implicit in the very act of venting said annoyance.

But here’s the clincher – all talk and no action makes Jack a rather pretentious lad. And if there’s one thing I despise, it’s being a real big talker whilst parking off on an equally large and hypocritical posterior­­­. If you truly are unhappy where you are, leave. In fact, to get specific once more, there are few citizenships in the world that have it as easy as the English when it comes to immigration.

And yet, we remain in bated anticipation for the mass exodus.

To avoid becoming the object of my own annoyance and because whinging and doing nothing about it would be tantamount to acceptance, I left a country that I no longer found acceptable. It was not easy. It was damned difficult.  But pride and self-preservation required that my whinging transcend into a public proclamation that I intended to take a stand. And I followed through. However, I suppose that my strength of purpose rested upon the fact that I actually had a purpose. There were genuine grounds for my unhappiness and thus a genuine impetus for change.

This all stands in a fair degree of contrast to whining for the sake of, well, whining. At this point a typical (and often necessary) human behaviour really just becomes pathological. And thoroughly irritating.

Sometimes one really must indulge in a bit of self-pitying; a good old worm-eating, woe-filled routine. I get that. It’s good for reassurance, and then the reminder that life goes on when people stop listening. But for the Englishman, life does not just “go on”. It drags on, in a series of unending complaints about how difficult and terribly unfair everything is, all the while continuing in the monotony that is his apparent unhappy existence.

Perhaps I should temper my barrage of criticism with some empathy for the dreaded contagious whinge and its hapless victim.  In all fairness, it is rather difficult to be proactive about your problems when there are just so many with which to contend. What with all that free healthcare, public transport and functioning police force, the mind boggles at how Mr. Englishman can muster the iron will to get up in the mornings, let alone drag his deprived self to work. Truth be told, he need not attempt either of the two, he can simply claim social benefits – oh, yet another thorn in the side of the long-suffering chap. And that damn old queen, with her mean crow-eyes on the Englishman’s silver pennies – all 62p of them per annum. There’s barely enough time left in the day to lament all the losses endured because of those filthy foreigners and their pilfering, pestiferous fingers in the English pie. Jeremy Kyle must be having a real hard time of it conjuring that seemingly endless supply of non-foreigners who reside in complimentary houses of the council and have more offspring than teeth in their mouth.  He must be a real magician – a wizard. And he’s not painting a very realistic picture of the pitiable English lad. He must be a foreign wizard. Or at the very least, the queen’s minion.

England appears to exist within a sort of cognitive cocoon, whose sturdy threads have steadily amassed to the point where the inhabitants have lost touch with a global reality, and what it really means to be hard done-by. This is not a recent phenomenon, from as early as the time of beheadings in the name of marital boredom and massacres in the name of Christ, England was considered (rather arrogantly, if not accurately) the most powerful kingdom in all of Christendom and so saw it both fitting and necessary to impress upon the rest of the meagre world its superior knowledge and unmatchable custom. One can hardly find blame, then, in the contemporary Englishman’s misconception that his experiences of discomfort are both incomparable and, unmatchable. The Englishman continues to be the authority on the construction and perception of all “reality”. He shoulders his burden alone, but everyone is privy to the running commentary.

I sense your undergarments remain decidedly bunched.

Yes, I have made a rather massive generalisation of the Brits. And yes, the concept of relativity appears a tad far-flung from my argument. But in asserting the generalisation, I write for the rule, not the exception – acknowledged as the exception may be. My observations of a nation from a culturally distant vantage point provide me with the broad overview, the majority, the generalisations.  More importantly, while this somewhat ethnocentric perspective stands responsible for my peeved attitude towards the Englishman and his disproportionate discontent, the very same perspective grants me the ability to genuinely embrace the sheer awesomeness lost in the aeonian dissatisfaction of the royal subject:

As I make my way through the streets of London, the very history of the place, embedded in the loneliest and most crude of darkened sidestreets to the monolithically conspicuous displays of fulgent patriotism, is almost tangible. And time seems not to move forward, but rather overlap itself; the past, the present, the anticipation of the next moment – is perceived in a single fleeting glimpse of a culture in motion – which is not ashamed to pay homage to old ways, and is equally unafraid to assimilate the new. Even amidst the ebb and flow of cosmopolitan existence,   vestiges of a deep national  pride imprint themselves in a line of continuity, which runs through each and every social institution; art, commerce, governance, religion. The line is that of tradition, which, by its very preservation, stands in unyielding contradiction to the apparent discontentment of those whose modus Vivendi strengthens that same line of tradition.

In the face of such a dichotomy – the unmistakable national pride and the insatiable temperament of the very nationals, it becomes inconceivable not to simultaneously praise and point the finger at the Englishman.

Perhaps my vexation with the Brits appears justifiable at this point, perhaps only forgivable (depending entirely upon the complexity of that bothersome knicker-knot).

While I find it extremely tempting to continue in a tone of derisive non-understanding for Mr. Englishman and his burdensome existence, I must allow for the possibility that maybe the culture of complaining represents more than the epitome of spoilt, but at its core, an intolerance for substandard service and unjust practice.

It could be that the sheer awesomeness of this place called England is not lost in the aeonian dissatisfaction of the royal subject, but is rather the product thereof.

And while it remains a damned shame that more often than not,  it takes a non-Englishman to balance that gripe with a little appreciation, I’ll lay off my own whinging and happily oblige.

Horsemeat and Hypocrisy

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2010 by cherisehuntingford


Today, over sirloin and the obligatory glass of red, the conversation between friends naturally meanders its way to the subject of horsemeat.

Yum.

Thoroughly repulsed by the topic at hand, I withdraw from the discussion to tuck back into my hunk of steak. Mid-chew, and a sudden compulsion to ponder the following churns within me: my rather adverse reaction to the direction the afternoon’s tête-à-tête has taken versus the gusto with which I have attacked the contents of my plate. The rationalization that the two reactions are diametrically opposed simply because they rest upon a scale of varying cultural acceptability does not assuage that pesky bit of hypocrisy, which has at this point lodged itself quite companionably alongside the macerating lump of animal inside my gut. As the noise of debate is replaced by mastication and intermittent grunts of relish, I ruminate over the idea that being alone in my discomfort, perhaps I am overreacting; and that despite the fact that I’d like to think of myself as ethically-minded, at that moment of uncomfortable indigestion of things conceptual it might be conceivable that my proverbial bleeding heart is beginning to haemorrhage, and that the duplicitous unease within is nothing more than acid reflux.

I consider again the catalyst for my current state of inner turmoil – horsemeat – and experience an immediate instinctual scorn for one who could entertain the idea of killing such a creature, never mind piling it on the dinner table. Mmmm…More indigestion. I know the discontent I feel for the whole business is not reserved for horse-butchery. It feels inherently wrong to kill any living being, and yet here I am, piling one upon my plate. To escape the equivocation and become a true advocate of my own mantra if you kill it, you eat it,  surely I should be living the converse too?

Sanctimonious in theory I may be, but a coward in practice I am. And as any self-respecting coward would do, I search for places in which to stash the blame for my lack of spine.

I begin by intellectualising, wondering whether city-living consumerism has disconnected me from what it really means to be self-sufficient. It’s fairly easy to submit to ignorance when reality is left to those who exist outside the borders of mass consumption. I’m pretty sure that I don’t have it in me to let the necessary blood-spilling stain my romanticised idea of the simple life – but I  do make myself righteous by opting for free-range and indulge in the fantasy conjured by the word. And the fantasy borders the tangible in-between my prime-time programme-viewing; in fact, it’s becoming easier and easier to forget that the evening’s menu had any organic beginning when the screen near-convinces that Big Macs come from curiously empty fields, and gleeful cows make a cameo only to provide the Supersized Shake, and then prance off-camera to Farmer Brown and his associate, Mr. Cleaver.

Prancing cow propaganda and parodies aside, in a world socialised by gratuitous violence, is the truth about beef schnitzel really too much?  Admittedly, the image conjured by advertising is far more palatable, if nothing else. One can almost envision the tender buds of t-bone steaks just beginning to sprout their meaty heads from the sun-soaked  loam, and (free range)pork bangers as they swing serenely in the orchard just beyond the empty field –  and soon the ethical question disappears along with the smiling cows (the parodies are evidently inescapable). Enter guilt-free mass consumption and anaesthetised awareness. Pass the T-sauce, please.

And yet, all this talk of grinning bovine leaves me questioning whether I have inaccurately personified that which is intended as edible commodity, and nothing more.

Lack of clarity rests upon my empty plate.

Well-fed and thoroughly unsatisfied, the meat conundrum has me longing to order a side-dish of weak will and passivity so as to sedate this desire to purge myself of moral dilemma. I order it. I savour it. Too engorged to question the gaping chasm between thought and action, my mind rests and my conscience quiets. Whether I am overly-sentimental or simply spineless, one thing I know for sure:  Honesty may sustain, but ignorance tastes a hell of a lot better.

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